fretting about the loss of their thirsty, cancer stick devouring regulars was that they’d be able to pull in tourists who didn’t know any better and make the money lost on beer sales up by shoving expensive food down their gobs.

Make sure you always take your pint outside for a fag with you. If the cops or their ilk make a fuss about drinking on the street, just point out that you really don’t fancy being Rohypnoled tonight, and you wouldn’t have dreamed of drinking outside before the stupid bloody smoking ban.

If, while you’re outside having a fag, someone swipes your table, don’t politely ask for it back. Just punch them in the face.

Never go anywhere near any pub which does not offer smokers shelter from the elements. The smoking area must have seating. Why should smokers be made to stand up in the rain?

Don’t talk to the non-smokers. If they come outside to socialise with the smokers, ignore them unless they light up.

If you come across an illegal smoking den, don’t post its details on the Internet, and only tell those of your mates most fanatically committed to the cause of illegal tobacco inhalation. [And why not start your own Smokeasy?–Ed.]

Don’t buy snuff in a pub. It’s shite. Steve Boxer London

ONLY DISCONNECT Dear Idler Have you seen these two bits from Henry Miller?

“To be silent the whole day long, see no newspaper, hear no radio, listen to no gossip, be thoroughly and completely lazy, thoroughly and completely indifferent to the fate of the world is the first medicine a man can give himself,” The Colossus of Narcissi.

“There was another thing I heartily disbelieved in—work. Work, it seemed to me, even at the threshold of life, is an activity reserved for the dullard. It is the very opposite of creation, which is play, and which just because it has no raison d’êtreother than itself is the supreme motivating power in life…The world would only begin to get something of value from me the moment I stopped being a serious member of society and became— myself,” Sexus.

Can one stop being a serious member of society if one has yet to start?

Keep up the good work. Paul Davies Winchester

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THE IDLER

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SUMMER 2008 THE IDLER

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NOTES FROM THE COUCH

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