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★ Great Bores of Today ★ No.45

HEATH

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‘...good morning madam and are you the lady of the house? so you’re Liz right? great stuff I’m Steve hi how ya doin’? is it nice and sunny in your neck of the woods today Liz? smashing now this won’t take more than a few minutes of your time Liz don’t worry I’m not trying to sell you anything I just want to ask when you last had double glazing fitted in your property right that’s quite a while ago Liz now I’m calling from JPC windows we were voted number one in a customer satisfaction survey and we’re currently running a fantastic new promotion where you can have your entire house fitted with our pvc eco energy windows for less than half price ok perhaps you’d like to think about it as I say there’s no hard sale no pressure what matters to us Liz is that you get best quality new windows fitted to your individual requirements hello Liz...hello... are you still there hello...’ © Al

Tips for Meanies

No.46

Few Meanies will baulk at removing the odd bar of soap or complimentary shampoo bottle from their hotel. After all, these items carry the hotel’s logo, so it’s a bit of a branding exercise. Yet an equally useful nick can be the unattractive plastic shower cap. These make brilliant containers for storing shoes in a suitcase when travelling, to prevent them shedding dirt onto clothes. They also work for covering bowls in the fridge, bowls of dough left to rise, and for shielding bicycle seats on rainy days. JANE THYNNE

have sailed through to the finals of Britain’s Got Talent. ‘I love your spirit and your attitude,’ said judge (and this month’s Chump) Simon Cowell after watching them perform ‘(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party!)’ by the Beastie Boys.

The Zimmers popped up on the Old Un’s radar in 2007 when BBC documentarymaker Tim Samuels made a film about how badly the elderly are treated. He formed the Zimmers from people he met in tower blocks, bingo halls and care homes and they recorded the Who’s ‘My

Generation’ at the Abbey Road studios. The video went to number one on YouTube and the band was flown to Hollywood to appear on a chat show alongside George Clooney. The winners of Britain’s Got Talent will perform in front of the Queen at the Royal Variety Performance. We reckon Her Majesty (aged 86) will be thrilled if the Zimmers triumph.

A Lees cannon To the Imperial War Museum, where staff are concerned about plans to close the museum in 2013 for a six-month remodelling project. The closure is going ahead even though only half of the £35 million needed for the redevelopment has been raised.

Last May the museum’s director Diane Lees suffered a major setback when her £23.5 million grant application for the project was shot down by the Heritage Lottery Fund. By then she had already paid architect Lord Foster more than £565,000 for a plan which included removing the famous naval guns at the museum’s entrance. Undeterred, Lees ploughed ahead with the redevelopment.

The official purpose of the long closure is to create ‘brand new First World War galleries in time for the Centenary in 2014’, but a source inside the museum tells us that staff fear this will be at the expense of displays and exhibits about World War 2.

The large galleries on the lower ground floor, which are currently equally divided between the two wars, will become entirely devoted to the first, and WW2 may not be properly reinstated unless enough money can be raised.

In addition, there are plans to reduce the large exhibits in the stunning entrance atrium by half, making a light-well into the galleries below and

8 THE OLDIE – June 2012