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the Friend INDEPENDENT QUAKER JOURNALISM SINCE 1843

CONTENTS – VOL 168 NO 12 3 We need to talk about death

Judith Moran 4 Compassion, love and acceptance:

the Quaker concern on death and dying Jill Kenner and Alison Leonard 5 Dying to Know – bringing death to life

Julia Brown 6-7 Letters 8-9 The greatest campaign of the twenty-first century? Sarah Wootton 10-11 A good send-off?

Judith Moran 12 Honouring death through dance

Linda Murgatroyd 13 The final taboo

Linda Banks 14 No room for tears

An ex-offender 15 Friends & Meetings 16-17 Resources: The end?

Cover image: ‘When I was first diagnosed and I understood that cancer may radically shorten my life, the thought that most upset me was that I may not know my grandchildren… so I decided to make two “story quilts” so there’s one for each of my sons’ families’.

Nicci Crowther, who died in 2008.

With the support of family and friends, two quilts were made. The cover shows one square, sewn by Nicci’s cousin Barbara, who chose the hare because: ‘The leaping hare is magical to me. Hares are very secretive and mysterious creatures, and whenever I’ve seen one I’ve felt lucky.’ Photo: Colin Luke. Image on this page: Photo of a Victorian family holding a dead child for a final family picture. There was an interesting phenomena in the midnineteenth century whereby it was common practice to have a portrait taken of a loved one after death, with higher rates of child mortality especially, parents may not have had a chance to take a photograph of their child (no home photographs and professional ones expensive). Photographers often advertised that they were available to take pictures of the dead with an hour’s notice. Photo: netannette/flickr CC:BY.

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Editorial

Editor: Judy Kirby

Articles, images and correspondence should be emailed to editorial@thefriend.org or sent to the address below.

the Friend 173 Euston Road, London NW1 2BJ Tel: 020 7663 1010 Fax: 020 7663 1182 www.thefriend.org Editor: Judy Kirby editorial@thefriend.org • Production editor: Jez Smith jez@thefriend.org • Sub-editor: Trish Carn trishc@thefriend.org • News reporter: Symon Hill news@thefriend.org • Arts editor: Rowena Loverance arts@thefriend.org • Environment editor: Laurie Michaelis green@thefriend.org • Subscriptions officer: Penny Dunn subs@thefriend.org Tel: 020 7663 1178 • Advertisement manager: George Penaluna, Ad department, 54a Main Street, Cononley, Keighley BD20 8LL Tel: 01535 630230 ads@thefriend.org • Clerk of the trustees: A David Olver • ISSN: 0016-1268 The Friend Publications Limited is a registered charity, number 211649 • Printed by Headley Bros Ltd, Queens Road, Ashford, Kent TN24 8HH

the Friend, 19 March 2010